What exactly is a Bell Factor?

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself

It's utterly amazing to read this thing, see who I was, and realize what I am now.

What came before were the often drunken ramblings of a kid living in/near Toronto. They account for the usual antics of a first/second year univesity student. I had no grasp then on the world really. Life was one crazy time after the next. And while it still is; those are no longer the defining moments of my existence. They are so many more tasty morsels of life that are part of a bigger, much more important existence. Yeah, I still have papers. Yeah, I still party. But let's face it kids, we all grow up sometimes...right? Will I write about those party times again, most likely, but not always.

As of late, my view on school has entirely changed. For one, I give a shit. I am learning things that matter; both to me, and to the course of history, and subesquently you and everyone you know. I sit in my classes and am constantly being amazed. One moment I can feel nothing but scorne and shame for the fate and decisions of humans. I hear of war after war, fought both for valid reasons, and more often for depressing, heart wrenching, and stupid reasons. Stupid. A word that I can rarely apply to such important things, but so fitting. My education at Ryerson has been nothing short of life-changing. I have outstanding professors and peers who continue to amaze me with their eloquence, intelligence and dedication.

I was at an Internation Discussions lecture tonight, one of many in a series put on by students. Genocide. It has happened, and is happening and will probably still happen in the future. What has been done to the people in Sudan, and more specifically Darfur, is enough to turn your stomach. Will we ever achieve a point in history where wars and atrocities are not being committed? I doubt it. That is part of the reason why I get so angry when I don't see people wearing poppies for Rememberance Day. Do they not realize that they have ALL BEEN AFFECTED BY WARS? There is a war going on right now. At this moment people are dying for foolish reasons. Is it because they are fighting for the glory and passion of a nation? No. It is because there are people in power, not only in the United States, but globally, who are narrow minded, prejudiced and hateful. Toleration, of people, beliefs, religion, ethnicity, is a lesson that we all could learn.

Have I really grown up? Probably not. But I do know more, I feel more, I care more; does that make me a better person in the end? I hope so.

posted by passionflake @ 12:12 AM 0 comments

Votre maman est chaude, comme un renard.

Translation: Your mom is hot, like a fox.

Vive le revolution.

Translation: Something about live the revolution... trust me it sounds better with my faux French accent

I've been meaning to write in my blog a little more often, and the night before a paper is due seems as good a time as any.

Translation: I'm procrastinating, big surprise.

So I've chosen to focus on the inequality of man, during the French and Industrial Revolutions. Our papers are to be based on the ideas of thinkers we have had to read in the course.

Translation: I'm tying to stick with what I know, and it may or may not be working. Make that not working.

I sent this MSN Message to Richard as what I may just hand in tomorrow as my essay, "Inequality. Who the fuck cares, let those poor SOBs rot in hell, or Paris, same difference. The End. A paper by Alexandra Bell"

Translation: I'm totally screwed, and probably jealous I've never been to Paris.

posted by passionflake @ 12:03 AM 1 comments

They will see us waving from such great heights...

Hello,

I'm a little drunk, and blogging yet again. I should get my shit together and make a coherent blog. Tonight was half a bottle of wine, rye, and beer. That is trouble. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a cliche! I mean, I'm downtown Toronto... listening to the right bands, doing school, have the home crew, hit the bars when I can afford it, smoke a lot of... you know... Sometimes it's just a little overwhelming.

Everything seems perfect from far away. Bless thee Iron and Wine....

About to descend further into madness.

Catch you crazy, wonderful cats later,

AB *heart*

posted by passionflake @ 1:41 AM 0 comments

Woah, Those Streets are CLEAN!

After me and LInds had an unfortunate run i nm with ARGE NTINIANS!


HEATHER!@!!!! hottest thing since sliced bvreead!



There was a street cleaner. BLOW JOBS WHAT!

IO LOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE STREET C:ENSEARER!

posted by passionflake @ 1:59 AM 0 comments

KIDNAP THE SANTY CLAUS!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!

I'm so trashed! Equal to my brithday. It is Adam's birthday! This was the day the real friendship started! JAMAOKE!

Sorry you couldn't make it Swiss Cheese! I am so f''ed!

I have aweseome classes and i keep faling backwards so i am going to just llook at the key borad to type so it ios easier!

The break came adn went without much pomp nor circumstance. I work ed nine days in a row which = sadn ess

Later

BEEEEEEEELLLLLLL FACTOR!

I love you all!

posted by passionflake @ 1:44 AM 0 comments

let's make some soup 'cause the weather is turning cold

The title of the post is taken from Hawksley Workman's Let's Make Some Soup (Almost a Full Moon). It is a song that can be found on his Christmas album Almost a Full Moon. One of my absolute favourites. It is a perfect snapshot to all that I feel every holiday season. It's usually in heavy rotation by this time of the year, but somehow I've yet to listen to it this season. Even writing this I'm not sure I will put it in right away, even though in a way the songs are calling to me. I'm not ready to accept what the album means to me, another year has come to pass. As I sit here procrastinating my final assignments of the semester I can't help but think of what this year has been like. It contains some of the greatest memories I've had yet, but also some sadness. What will always be a particular sentiment of 2005 was the illness and ultimate death of my Grandfather.

A highly religious and spiritual man, he lived the purest life I've ever known. He and my grandmother devoted their entire lives to their religion and it is such a respectable thing, even if it is not my personal choice. Their kindness, warmth, and compassion have reached so many people, far more then I could ever meet or know. To think of all the strangers that love them moves me to tears if I think about it too long.

As Majors (ministers) in the Salvation Army, their lives were never rooted in one place to long. Visiting Jerusalem and living literally across Canada, and Bermuda, born in England, they are well travelled, and knowledgable. Their retirement began in Guelph, Ontario and then to St. Thomas, Ontario (near London). They had their share of illness breast cancer for my grandmother, prostate cancer, diabetes, a major stroke when I was younger, and a stroke/heart attack last year for my grandfather; however no one can ever recall a complaint from either. For the past year my grandfather has been in the hospital, and while he made it home a few times, the majority of that year the hospital was home to him, and in essence my grandmother. Every single day she visited with him. This December 31st would have been their 64th wedding anniversary. As many of you know, my Grandfather, Thomas Edward Bell, passed away comfortably on Monday, November 21st at 2:20 a.m. He was a wonderful man and he will be deeply missed by many. However he lead a wonderful life and we are all hankfull for the memories we have, most often marked with corny jokes, which were his specialty.

I gave a euology at his funeral:

Most people say that when you are going to give a speech or talk in front of people you should open with a joke to warm up the crowd. I know that if it were Grandpa up here that is exactly what would happen. He'd tell one of his jokes, no matter how corny, you'd all laugh, and he's carry on with what he had to say. But when I went to think of one of his jokes I had some trouble. There were so many I couldn't pick one that seemed right.

So then I thought about doing the typical "He's in a better place now" euolgy. And while that is true, it just didn't seem to be enough for a man like Tom, who gave so much and asked for little in return. So as I sat and fought to find the right words to do justice to this amazing man I realized something... I couldn't remember Garndpa before his stroke. Sure, some pictures triggered hazy memories of a time when he stood a little straighter and walked a little quicker, but for the most part, my Grandpa was defined in my memories by the stroke. But, I would have it no other way. You see, the effect of the stroke were just physical reminders of the strength he had. He was the type of person who wouldn't let anything hold him down. If the doctors told him he wouldn't walk again, he'd run as best he could. It was this determination that defined his life. And last year, when illness came knocking again, Grandpa fought it with all he had, right to the last day. And that is why I'm happy with the picture I have of him in my mind, cane and all, because his strength motivates me.

Growing up my favourite part of summer would be the two weeks my cousin Adam and I would spend in St. Thomas with Grandma and Grandpa. For two weeks I got to share in the day to day lives of two inspirational people. A tradition was to make a trip to Port Stanely or London, Grandpa as the tour guide the whole way. I hung onto his every word, and was amazed at how much he knew. The tour never chagned over the years, and I couldn't wait to get to my favourite part onthe way to London. I remember the first year he told us about it... "Did you know that is a military cornfield?" he asked as we drove through the country. When Adam and I said no he was shocked. So I apprehensivly asked "Why is it a military cornfield?" Grandpa just smiled and said "BECAUSE! It's filled with KERNELS!" That was just the way he was, always brining a smile to the faces of everyone around him.

When I found out that Grandpa had passed away, even though I was prepared for it, I couldn't help but feel sad. A small part of me sort of figured maybe that strength of his would keep him going forever, that anytime I called his voice would tell a joke on the other end, any time I walked through his house I'd get my toes squished with his cane, that every card I got from St. Thomas would have a picture of a bell in it instead of seeing our last name written. But as I look out to the faces of each of you here, I realize a piece of Tom is left with all of you. You all carry a corny joke, a little more strength , passion, and empathy, and certianly more love because you knew my Grandpa, Thomas Edward Bell.



My Grandpa and I

posted by passionflake @ 6:33 PM 0 comments

Everyone get on the Inky-Bus!!!!

As many of you know, I'm obsessive about music. I love it. It fuels me. Many people struggle [and rightfully so] with the hypothetical question of: Would you rather be deaf or blind? But for me the answer comes easily... I would rather be blind. I cannot imagine a world without music, it is something that I cannot even fathom in the slightest bit.

Lately I've been pulled back in my memories and music listening, to a time a few years ago. A time when my three best friends and I were drawn to one band and the world that encompassed them. Liz, Irene, Kyra, and I were in love with Incubus, we were Incujunkies if you will. I kid you not, it was sick. We loved every song, their CDs were in constant rotation. We latched onto bands they toured with or were friends with [Phantom Planet, Hoobastank, Audiovent]. Aside from being really great musicians and Brandon Boyd being a great lyricist, we had the added bonus of them being easy on the eyes. And, as if that wasn't great enough, the bands they knew had some attractive members too. It was a teenage girls dream!

Endless games of "Who would you do?" were played between Kyra and I..."Brandon Boyd with rat moustache vs. Mike Enziger with 'fro?". We threw 'Incu' in front of everything. "Did you see Brandon's Incu-sweater?" We watched DVDs [Brandon stepping in dog poo what?], went to concerts, bought any magazine that had two words written about them. But really when it came down to it, it was about the music. I remember the fever that took us when 'Morning View' was released, collectively we listened to that CD at every waking moment. I think there are some out there who remember the 'Aquious Transmission' dance in the music portable! And that brings me to where I stand right now.

After their release of 'Morning View', and extensive touring, the original bassist Dirk left the band. It was to be the first step in a line of events that drew me away from a band I once swore I would listen to when I was 90 and in a home. They replaced Dirk with Ben Kenney, formerly of the Roots. I knew that forever the Incubus I had loved would be gone. Dirk's presence in the band was a key component, his bass lines left you feeling full and happy. How on earth could they do this to ME! A huge fan, maybe their biggest!

Skepticism of this new player aside, I bought their last CD 'A Crow Left of the Murder'. In the weeks leading up to this release, I read what must have been a million articles and posts about what I could expect. There were many rumours about what to expect, and in the end I settled for the most common opinion out there, that I could expect a turn back to 'S.C.I.E.N.C.E.', their heavier CD, released well before everyone knew the song 'Drive'. I could deal with that! I loved 'S.C.I.E.N.C.E.' and I was ready to see how they approached that style again. I bought the CD the day it came out, ready for an incu-experience.

As I listened to the CD, I knew I was dissapointed, but I kept pressing on. It definantly wasn't 'S.C.I.E.N.C.E.', in fact it was like no other Incubus CD, which on all previous releases was one of the main reasons I loved the band so much! I kept trying to lie to myself that I liked it, just as I had loved all the other new sounds before this one. But after a week or two of telling people "It's good, I'm still listening to it, trying to get the feel", I knew the time had come to admit it... my band had let me down. By this time, they already had fallen off the Incupedestal... the measure by which all bands were put to, and for a long time, no one could dare reach where Incubus stood, until I really got into Hawksley Workman's music and he destroyed it. Broken hearted, I put the CD away to collect dust.

That was two strikes, no more Dirk, and a release I didn't like. Then the more I saw interviews the less I felt connected to the band. They were huge now, and even though they were fairly popular at the height of my obssession, they had now become so big it began to feel inpersonal. The new lyrics didn't speak to me, and I was highly critical of the new member Ben Kenney.

And thus it stood for a long while. Sure I'd pop in the older CD's and I'd really enjoy them, but no longer did I care about videos, where the members were, who they toured with, if they were touring at all. Until recently... not only have I been constantly listening to the old stuff, but I've found the connection I missed the first time with 'Crow Left of the Murder'. Lyrics that spoke to me so strongly during highschool, speak to me again, maybe with even more power as I've added a few more years of life to relate them to. It's wonderful, and I'm remembering where the love came from.

These days, my musical taste isn't one that reflects the genre Incubus falls in, but I sit here and enjoy them more and more. Maybe it's only nostalgia that is doing it, but somehow I don't think so. They really are talented musicians, with well crafted songs, and Boyd's lyrics are great. This Novemeber my rekindled passion reminded me that when I'm 90 and in a home, I'll still be singing the songs that defined a time in the life of my friends and I. And I smile.

Who Would You Do: Dirk, while having sex with his bass on stage orDJ Chris Kilmore???

posted by passionflake @ 12:33 PM 0 comments

Hazel's Nutty Muff

So somehow these days just keep speeding by. I'm not sure where October went, but I think a flurry of leaves, pumpkins, costumes and parties might have been involved. I can't believe that it is mid-November, a time for essays, late nights, and of course the BAZAAR! In what is potentially up there for crappiest weekend of the year, I also got to realize that my friends totally rule.

With the news that my grandpa's health is slipping more and more, I just felt my weekend crash. Amid a beasting of four essays, a marketing report, impending finals, and work, that was the last news I needed. After being up all week with stressful thoughts and homework I was looking forward to a bit of rest back in Sauga. Friday night I worked, and it was everything you would expect at work. "My humps my humps, my lovely lady lumps" ,oh count room songs... I do love thee. Friday night was another late one, and the alarm clock came really fast on Saturday morning. Enough of the sob story though... Saturday was totally killer. It was the annual Chirstmas Bazaar at Liz's church. Every year we get dressed in some classy digs and serve sandwiches, tea and desserts to a bunch of old people and religious types. It is honestly the start of my Christmas season every year and I love it. The highlight of this year was definantly lunch with Liz, her momma, and the always lovey Hazel (Liz's grandma). Hazel, aside from being your typical old lady, is also the biggest sweetheart of this life. I think that my favourite part was keeping the secret that my roommates are guys from her... because no one needs to hear Hazel's thoughts on that sort of thing! Plus I totally have to marry Pete (Liz's uncle) as determined two years ago at a turkey dinner (got's to be having them peas!) . Joyce Boyce's turkey and Hazel's nutty muff are both to die for.

After the "CHRISMAS TREE BAZAAR!!!!" (60th annual!!), Liz and I went for some cantaloupe (pronounced can-ta-loop-eh) bubble tea, without bubbles, in ice crush form. If you want some sexy bubble tea, I highly suggest the Tea Shop 168 chains in the GTA, and I super highly suggest the Can-ta-loop-eh flavour, or banana sherbert (this shit is BANANAS!), or mint, or pudding... I could carry on. Then I had to go to work. Just as my shift was about to start I found out that my grandpa is basically in a state of semi-conciousness and is not totally coherent. So, you know that night was totally crapped upon.... but again I shall carry on to better things. I served some customer's that night, and they helped me realize that while things aren't perfect, they are pretty swell... one of those faith in humanity moments.

After work, I went to Tim's to have a tea and wind down some with Ryan, Laura, and the Garcha.... I worked double time to make sure Hollex got totally represented. It was nothing more than a usual coffee night, but I was glad to just be able to unwind a bit. "GET ON THE DICK" was for sure the quote of said night.

I was up early after a restless night to visit my grandpa in the hospital, which is by far not fun. Totaly seizing... S and L members know what I mean! Upon return to the 'Sauga it was dinner at Shoeless with Richard and Lomey. Those are the best conversations ever. Tonight it was Rich, Lomey, and I debating cell phone use/dependancy and phone etiquitte.... nothing beats it. That is also the second time Richard salvaged shitty hospital visit days... hence, Richard = hero. After that Richard and Adam Number 2 (aka the roommate aka cun... cunning individual) were total saviours in the reunionof my cell phone and I after 3 hours apart. It was a beautiful moment.... one of those restore yo... oh wait I already used that one. It was just really cool and so appreciated. Although I would expect nothing less from such stars.

Then I got to my maison and Nate and Adam totally rule, as do the pets of our house (Hamtro and Hudson). I got in some laughs in with them, including: my "Jose Canseco is a dreamboat" comment that got "that's gross." as an answer from Nate, a gangsta Nate who listens to rock.... including Prog [King Crizzy is off the hizzy, King Crizzy and the Court of the Crizzy Pimp], Peter Gabriel's giant man package.... and the pajama-winter coat fashion show, complete with nipple rubbing pockets. Also hilarious... "did you call her street garbage???" in regards to Liz (and NO I DID NOT CALL YOU STREET GARBAGE LIZ).

So then I also got to talk to Paul DellaP (aka Sprocket aka Slippy D) and Kira (Pirate Core Forever) on msn. And because those are two of my favourite people in the world, and I don't talk to them nearly as much as one should in order to maintain good levels of Paul and Kira times, it was really awesome. Paul and I had a good blast to the past talk and Kira made me feel better about all the yucky things in life... like midgets.

In short... or long... friends... you all totally rule my universe.

Thing to do this year: Take a day and hide somewhere up north for some much needed R&R.

posted by passionflake @ 1:48 AM 0 comments