Smack that ass bitch!
This is a tale that happened one Monday night, back in maybe September/October of 2004. This is hands down my favourite strip club story I have been present for, and well actually, just the greatest stripper story in the history of life.So on occasion I have gone to Kennedy's, a strip club in Mississauga. I hang out with a lot of guys, who like to drag the girls in our group out to the strip club... as they see it "Drinking vs. Drinking with Naked Chicks", no choice to them. For a while during the September/October months, every Monday was amateur night, which is the only reason why I would be at a Peeler on a Monday night.
For those of you who know what Kennedy's set up is... this next part will be a bit blah, for the rest of you... the layout of Kennedy's.
1 = STRIPPER POLE - some of those ladies can go all the way up then hold on with their crotch! don't ask me how the do it, because it really defies logic.
2 = STAIRS - this is where they descend from the dressing room, onto the stage in the HOTTEST stripper gear. Clear plastic heels... yes please!
3 = PERV'S ROW - right up against the stage where all the action is at... who doesn't want crotch juice spray!!!! Think marine land.
4 = 2nd PERV'S ROW - set back further then the first one, but still holding on to some pervy nature, just the way I like it!
5 = OUR GROUP - taking over the pole side of 2nd perv's row
*beyond the two perv's rows is an elevated level with the bars and more tables...
So, we get there and we are chilling, have a brew watching the non-amateurs shake their thangs. It is a rather large group of us there, maybe 10-15 or so. Then... came time for amateur night.
A brief rundown on the workings of such a fine night:
- Any girls who want to sign up to go on stage can.
- Once on stage, they dance around to a song or two.
- While they strip, an MC reads some facts about them off a card they prepare themselves. (ie. favourite sexual position, job, crazy things they've done, etc.)
- A panel of judges selected from the patrons of Ye Olde Watering Hole, vote on who they feel was the best amateur.
- The winner receives some cash flow, and the knowledge she was everyone's favourite piece of meat... I mean dancer, that night.
Now, by this time I was quite bored, as I find the strip club can do to you, when you are not physically attracted to the naked people on stage. More often than not, the girls and I comment on costume choice and tattoos on the peelers, rather than their "assets". But quite quickly the MC grabbed our attention. He was a rather built, fairly tall black guy, and he was funny as hell when reading off the strippers cards. We were all enjoying ourselves and having a laugh at these dancers who were, for the most part, making fools of themselves.
Then.. this girl gets up on stage and she had got the HUGEST ASS I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Like I am talking MASSIVE. So the MC is all "Now that is a black sistah for ya!". So he goes on and on about her ass, and really it was very funny. Then he is like, "We need someone to smack that.... give it a good one." So he calls this guy up on stage (who was white), and he tell the girl to bend over and hold on to the pole. So this IDIOT woman does, and so the guy from the audience winds up, and gives her a good schmack!
So we all have a laugh and shake our heads... but the MC was not satisfied, oh no he was not!
"YOU CALL THAT A SLAP!!!! Maaaaan I knew I shouldn't bring no white boy up on stage to do a black man's job. Looks like I'm going to have to do this myself."
So you can see the fear in the eyes of the girl on stage. The MC keeps revving the crowd up and like warning how hard he is going to smack that ass.
So he puts the mic down, starts at the stairs, then runs towards the ass, SMAAAAAAAACKS! that ass like NO TOMORROW. The girl goes FLYING, rolls over and lands.... right... in... perv's row. He hit he so hard she flew off the stage. Our entire group explodes with laughter. As anyone who witnessed that would. A naked black woman, with the biggest ASS, gets smacked and lands in perv's row. Honestly... gold.
It's moments like that, which make life worth living.
Song you should download today: Ride My Llama - Neil Young... Adam and Paul Dellapenta in a song... I think so.
posted by passionflake @ 9:42 PM
1 Comments:
some day, this will make its way into a movie. and it will make someone very rich. fuck-ing hilarious.
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